she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
not ubering you a puppy
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
