dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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