I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
