the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
