she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
