I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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