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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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