i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wish my penis had a tongue
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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