i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
