my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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