just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
