I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
