Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
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we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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