guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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