he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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