dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
