Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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