Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
