So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
