Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
