mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
