so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
