from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Holy shit dude........stairs
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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