smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
