What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
