remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
