It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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