You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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