Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
even my farts smell like vagina
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
