Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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