you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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