I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
