So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
