I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
