If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
