It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
