and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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