I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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