And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
