life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
