I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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