Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
