I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
