I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
