Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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