the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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