My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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