I could make wine with my vomit
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When are your genitals available?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
