This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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