I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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