Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just found a bag of teeth...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
