I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
