It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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