I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
