she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
