Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
pop tarts are not kleenex
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
