You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
