oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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