you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
