so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
