its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
