I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize