I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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