I don't remember. Are we still dating?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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