The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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