I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
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As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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