I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
