drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He better not be in your backpack
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
