I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
