My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she peed on how many people?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
