Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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