I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
