yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
