My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
