actually, I'm a sock model
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
